I don't mean that in the literal sense, of course -- nearly fifty percent of us sport penises and generally the attendant scrotums -- I mean it figuratively and I hope offensively. That is: when did we become a nation populated by people without any balls?
Before you have an estrogen hissy, yep, I am aware that when we speak of balls as a metaphor for courage, or toughness, or tenacity, or even simply balls as the inclination to stand one's ground, that women can have balls commensurate with men's. Or bigger.
But the thing is, generally women don't. Which puts them in a dead heat with men, who don't have any either. It's a tie. I can't diagnose the causes, with so many to choose from. Suspects include our national panic over liability, which is the flip side of our national zeal to sue when our feelings get hurt. Couple that problem with this other likely perp: we are, excepting you and a few of your friends, lazy, apathetic nerf herders.
But it is our fear of getting into trouble, and of being held accountable, that I speak of here.
Our collective pussification comes to mind because of a local 15K race. The race either is or isn't tomorrow, depending on the sponsor's stomach for risk. See, this race, the Crimestoppers Azalea Run, was scheduled for May 4th, 2013 but was rained out. Yep. Called for rain. Not lightning, not the thunder that forebodes it; not a tornado watch; not impassible roads or even power outage.
Cancelled for rain. And not even actual rain during the actual race. Yep, they called it for puddles. Certainly, lawns were soaked from the night before, and indeed there was standing water around the course. But you've run in way worse. And will again.
When we showed up at the starting line, we noticed dozens of entrants collecting their t-shirts and walking back to their cars. The lady from Crimestoppers explained with a straight face that the race had been called off. We scoffed. She became defensive and averred "the course is underwater!"
Acceptable retorts included:
A. Awesome!
B. So what?
C. Not so.
But she had made up her mind. And so the race that benefits crime victims, sponsored by an organization who exhorts them to be resolute and not retreat from evil -- that race was cancelled because no one should be expected to get wet for the cause.
I read recently where some health expert conjectured that only three percent of Americans can run three miles without stopping. I hope this isn't true, because if it is we really are a nation of pussies. But if it is, then the people showing up at a local 15K are arguably among the toughest 3 percent of Americans. Yet we can't expect them to run in rain?
There is blame to share all around. I also take to task we entrants, who paid 30 to 45 dollars to race, depending on when we signed up. We got ourselves down to the north end of Forsyth Park, learned the race was arbitrarily cancelled -- and then for the most part accepted our t-shirts without remonstrating, and said things like "hey, let's go get pancakes." Indeed, that is a direct quote. From a friend who, as she uttered it, was pulling on the t-shirt from the race she had just finished not running.
Me: Well, you're here, ready to run. Why not run anyway, then get breakfast?
Her: They called the race.
Me: Yes. Absurd. Still, you're here to run, so run.
Her: T-shirt! (she was pointing to it). They cancelled the race. Breakfast time.
Me: Stay dry.
As an aside, this supports my suspicion that the t-shirt is a lot of why people show up for these things. But this woman runs three or four times a week with a running group. I see her in the park when I'm running. I don't do organized group runs, but I am pretty sure you don't get a t-shirt every day.
So, some friends and I ran the course anyway, since we had paid, bothered to show up and -- this was a bunch of triathletes -- we would have been training on any Saturday, race or no race. We didn't push it really, just ran the course and enjoyed the morning. For the hour and change we were running the race course, what there wasn't was any rain. There were clouds and a breeze, but we survived.
And so we received an email that the race had been rescheduled for tomorrow, June 8th. I am out, as I have a triathlon this weekend, as does everyone I was running with back on the original date. The irony is Tropical Storm Andrea has been pounding us for the last two days and now Savannah really is saturated, and I suspect parts of the course really are underwater.
See we live on the Atlantic Coast in the Southeastern United States. It is officially hurricane season in June, and we are all on notice of that every year. The storm has blown through by the look of it, and I think it would be hard to postpone for puddles again. Perhaps they will cancel it altogether, rather than subject athletes to 15K on wet streets. But at least IHOP is dry, for after you get your T-shirt.
State's exhibit 1 (May 4th, 2013):
We regret to say that the Azalea Run is not happening today. The race director has been forced to postpone the race due to the inclement weather. Again, the race WILL happen on a later date, this is for everyone's safety and we will post updates as future plans become finalized.
And while we are at it, see State's exhibit 2:
Some of the course is under water - keep checking back with us for updates on the race's new date. Sorry about this guys.
